Sunday, June 19, 2011

Why Do We Fall?

I feel like this a lot.

It is a daily struggle to keep my head above water lately.

But I love my life right now.

It's an absolutely fascinating paradox.
I'm a college student--a college student studying music no less. Of course there are going to be days when I feel like I'm barely making it out alive. But this semester it's been more than "every so often."
 I'm not depressed. I don't wind up in tears every night as I drive home (that only happens every so often ;) ). My life's pretty great. I'm in a great place, surrounded by incredible people, doing something I absolutely adore.

So I honestly don't know how to explain it. But I was talking with a very dear friend of mine the other night, and she mentioned that she feels happiest when she's busy.

And I thought about that.

When you're going, going, going, drowning, you don't have time to stop and think about how hard it is. You just keep doggy-paddling, but you know what the cool thing is? It's when you're doggy-paddling that you notice the beauty, the hilarity, the ridiculous, and the joy.

It's when you're doggy-paddling that you make the life-affecting decision to laugh or cry.
And, honestly, sometimes it's best to do both. 

It's when the water's up to your nose that you discover just how incredibly tough you can be. 
It's when the water's up to your eyelashes that you run into a floating buoy you can cling to for a moment.
It's when the water's up to your eyebrows that you find that blessed rock at the bottom to kick off of and propel you onwards and upwards--and start your paddling again.
It's when the water has completely overtaken you, and you've sunk for a while, that you realize there's no way in Hades you're letting the water win, and you fight your way back to the surface.

It's when your heart's broken that you learn to look out for others.
It's when you want to cry that laughter tastes the best.
It's when you're sinking that the tiniest accomplishments feel like besting the fire-breathing dragon.
It's when you're so busy being stressed that the smallest act of random can bring you to your knees in wonderful, side-aching, I-can't-breathe laughter.
It's when you feel like you can't go on that you realize the alternative--standing still--sucks.
It's when everything feels like a tragedy that you feel the most grateful.

I am grateful for every single life-saving rock. For every momentary failure. For the knowledge I have and the knowledge I am seeking to acquire. For every person who has been a rock, a dragon, a wave of water, a temporary buoy. For every moment of random. For every moment of the ridiculous. For every night spent in the company of good people. For every giggle, chuckle, and guffaw. For every tear. Every trial. Every single tender mercy.

 I can't stop and think about it too long, because everything overwhelms me and I sink.
But you know what?
One way or another, on my own and relying on the help of my Heavenly Father or the angels he has placed in my life, I'll make it out again.

And keep dog-paddling on.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Ugh. Let me out of here.

Sooo.... I love the ocean. A lot.

It was by far one of the best parts about living in Southern California.
Definitely one of the best parts of all those high school orchestra trips to Cali.
And one of the many many incredible things about the tour through British Columbia, Canada, and Washington state.

The ocean is incredible. It's an instant tranquilizer and stabilizer for me, every single time. I just love it.

Guess what?
Idaho's landlocked.

Rexburg is especially landlocked. At least in Burley, we had the 'mighty Snake River' (seriously, I'm pretty sure that's how every event advertises it). In Rexburg, we don't even have a good river.

Usually this isn't too big of a problem. I mean, it's frustrating, but I've lived in Idaho long enough to accept it--grudgingly. But last night, the distance from Rexburg to the ocean was just too much to take.

Well. Suffice it to say that whenever I'm done here in Southeastern Idaho, I'm getting myself on a coast as soon as possible. I don't care if it's east, west, north, south. I'm gonna be there.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

20th Birthday Adventures

20 years.
That's such a freaking long time.
I mean, it's two decades.
And if you think about it, a LOT of stuff can happen in two decades.
And that's how long I've been alive.

Let me just give you a rundown of how my day went.
(pictures of the day will be up as soon as I get them :) )

  • Woke up earlyish to a verrrrrrry decorated bathroom mirror (Thanks Kelsey!!)
  • Barely made it on time to 745 Theory where I was sung to by the entire class and a very enthusiastic piano-playing Bro Hansen
  • 9am String Practicum: started the day off right with a bunch of sugary donuts--all thanks to Naomi!!--before being sung to by a bunch of non-vocal majors (with invisible percussion accompaniment by Naomi)
  • Violin playing test = fail.
  • 10:15 Conducting: failing at conducting Beethoven 5. Failing harder at acting like a crazy person while conducting Beethoven 5, even when Bro Hansen bribed me with an A+.
  • 11:30 Baroque Ensemble: best. class. ever.
    • Bro Tueller being a total Baroque rockstar with is Baroque guitar
      • Bro T: "I'm going to quit the cello, and be a rockstar!" (throws his arms in the air)
      • Me: "Put your hands in the air!"
      • Naomi: "Yzma! Put your hands in the air!"
      • Bro T: "I love that movie!!"
      • *three minute-long Emperor's New Groove quoting session*
  • 12:45 Sight singing test in Mentor Group
    • Fail.
      • Only thing Steven could tell me: "Um...have a good weekend?"
  • Procrastinating going to Capstones with eSpencer, Dan, Tim, and Mason. Always fun :)
  • Walking to and from Capstones in the wind and rain, listening to Beethoven, Dvorak & Camila <3
  • Matt and Dan. The Disney Electric Light Orchestra. Kid Kadets. Enough said.
  • Turning pages for eSpencer in his pre-recital hearing (he ROCKED it)
  •  "Practicing" (read: half practicing, half chatting with Naomi, Matt, Dan, and David)
  • Coming home to an INCREDIBLY AWESOMELY decorated apartment! My roommates ROCK The totally awesome tent in our front room!
  • They got my favorite food recipe from my mom, and MADE it!
The birthday presents from my roommates!! :) They are so wonderful!
  • We had a picnic on the floor, under the tent, complete with fruit snacks, S'more Brownies, and Jurassic Park II.
  • Went back to the Snow to meet up with a few people to get ice cream
    • Hung out at the Snow for an hour, messing around with Naomi, eSpencer, Chris, Dan, Jacquelyn, and Emily.
      • Naomi riding Chris' longboard up and down the halls
      • Dan jumping in front of her and making her wreck
  • Me, Naomi, Kiara, Jacquelyn, Chris, and eSpencer squeezing into Naomi's car to go to G's Dairy
  • Realizing G's Dairy was closed. :(
    • As we drive out of the parking lot, this other car stops on its way in. The guy gave us the weirdest look!
  • Rocking out to Aerosmith and perfecting our Steven Tyler screams on the way to Dairy Queen
  • Laughing too long and too loud :)

Best. Picture. Ever.
I don't know who The Zonks are, why DQ loves them, or why that one guy is sitting so seductively (read: AWKWARDLY) on the truck, but I absolutely LOVE this picture.
  • DQ Ice Cream and laughs
  • Overhearing conversation at the table next to us: "I think I'll just have to go cut myself now..."
  • Geeking out about music with some of my favorite people :)
  • Hanging out outside the Snow
    • The Penguin Game
    • The crabs/seagulls from Finding Nemo "Mine, mine, mine!" "Hey, hey, hey ,hey!"
    • QUACK! quack quack quack quack quack!
    • "F you guys!.....Are you okay?"
    • Naomi being...Naomi.
    • Chris' laugh
    • Mormon drunkenness
    • Kitten in a Tree song
Sooo many awesome things. Lots of amazing people. Absolutely fantastic birthday.  :)


I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to Idaho's capital. Counting occasions and not separate...